The dawn of man. The first guttural sounds, trickling out past the larynx. Squeezing past a history of evolution that kept us to grunting and growling and screeching. Language. Our first tool. We never saw it coming, but boy did it change things for us later apes.
We organised, into groups, into ideals, into political systems. Into communities, and into ghettos.
One such ghetto gave birth to yours truly. One such ghetto spawned the greatest gift the planet could have hoped for: EnglishToGhetto.com. Bridging communities together, making it clear what white people were saying and what black people meant. Allowing us to trade cultures, to exchange ideas, to traverse the bounds of our charged past. In an interview granted by The Obama in 2009, he cited the gangster translator as “the single source of reference I used to appeal and communicate to ghetto communities”. We’re going to say it was a successful venture. With the aid of fist-bumps, with the flicks of wrists, and with a solitary cool personality and large large ears, did our dear leader make history. Kept a secret by the NSA’s Blackmale Disclosure Curtain up until 2011, EnglishToGhetto.com remained under the hood of the political regimen. It stayed in the shadows, spawning forth the personality quirks of our greatest hip-hop figures. Nas, Eminem, 50 cent, Busta Rhymes, Tyler the Creator, A Tribe Called Quest, Kanye West, and countless other ballers, gangsters, playa’s, hoochies, bitches, shawtys, and thugs.
There are few things you cannot ghettofy with this tool. Equivalent to the advent of agriculture, or the first sharpened chip of granite, be amazed as your messages and intentions rise far above those of your competitors. They’ll try to appeal to you with ‘sirs’ and ‘madams’ and ‘normal’ english speak. But to no avail. As you slip in the odd ‘bitch-ass’ ‘cracker’, be amazed as your conversations and messages triple in efficacy. We have had respondents in the field tell us their messages were some hundred-folds more effective in the obtainings of moneys, in the exchange of key foodstuffs and services, in getting them into lady’s panties. Oh yes, adapting this vernacular is no small undertaking, it seems almost too simple to believe. That a single click could change your life forever. Oh, but it could. And that is why it is life indeed, because miracles, the probabilistically inconceivable, scrape by and are achieved. This ebonics translator is one such miracle.
- Deedz from englishtoghetto.com